Are you scared of COVID-19? We all are. Expert tips on how to reduce fear and get through this difficult time.
I tell my clients all the time that we may not be able to control our pain, but we can control our suffering. The corona-virus pandemic is a perfect example of this. COVID-19 is here and we unfortunately cannot change that, but we can change how much suffering it causes us while it is.
The world has changed, people are dying, some scared to leave their homes or to bring this horrible virus home to their families.
These are scary times, there is no denying that.
So, can we really do anything to counter the fear we are all experiencing, when the threat is so real?
Yes!
I tell my clients all the time that we may not be able to control our pain, but we can control our suffering. The corona-virus pandemic is a perfect example of this. COVID-19 is here and we unfortunately cannot change that, but we can change how much suffering it causes us while it is.
Stress, for instance, is a subjective thing. Unless we are talking about physical strain, stress is typically induced by our thoughts about what is happening. It isn't the actual event itself that incurs the feeling of stress. It is our thinking behind it that does.
-Christine Louise Hohlbaum. The Benefits of Fear
How do we limit our stress and suffering during a pandemic that is so scary and real?
First, we should not push the thoughts or fears aside or shame ourselves when we experience them. Instead, we should acknowledge those thoughts and process the feelings associated with them. This should be done carefully though and at the appropriate time.
What I mean by this is we should take time to dissect what we are scared of, but only those “real” observable/factual things (preferably the fears related to the present moment).
I know this sounds difficult, but it is possible- with practice!
I am not suggesting you dismiss future concerns like how you will be paying your bills or ignore the concern of job security and the future. I am asking that we do not stay stuck on them. Unfortunately, for many these things are unknown and/or out of our control.
Those events or situations in which we do not know the outcome, cause our brains to story tell. Unfortunately, the worst case scenario is usually the story it favors. Our brains then tell our bodies to start preparing for that threat. My thought is: what if those things we are preparing for and facing never come to fruition? Facing those things are not going to be pleasant, so why do it if we do not have to?
“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown”. ― H. P. Lovecraft
In regards to the “appropriate time” to process fear, this is simply when we are in the best emotional state to be able to. If we are in a state of heightened arousal, we are likely in our “emotional mind”, which is not ideal for decision making or thought processing.
Ideally, we need to have an equal balance of both our “rational and emotional minds” aka our “wise mind” (the mere foundation of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy; one of my favorite theoretical approaches).
“When there’s so much confusion and change around you to consider, you’re often at the mercy of negative emotions — decisions need to be held off until your emotions are interfering less with your mind and until you have more mental clarity. ”
Wanting to prepare for what we are up against is natural and provides us comfort in chaos, but can be counterproductive if we are responding from fear or solely emotions.
Ways to help:
Please remember to give your mind “breaks” and find ways to produce those relaxant chemicals we all so desperately need right now. Here are some natural ways to help us do so:
Exercise (even for 10 minutes)
Sit outside
Complete a project
Watch a funny video, show or movie
Color or paint
Call an old friend or family member (catching up and feeling connected are great ways to increase Dopamine naturally)
Organize your kitchen or pantry
Read
Play cards or a board game/ start a puzzle
Volunteer or help someone in your neighborhood
Organize your financials
Educate yourself on something you always wished you knew more about
Finally, if you find yourself in a high state of prolonged arousal/fear, this more than likely is not the time to attempt these coping skills. When our anxiety is at a level of “9 or 10” there are very few things that can help.
Fortunately, there are things you can do though!
I often recommend clients practice TIPP skills (another great tool from DBT).
TIPP is an acronym that stands for the following four steps: temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation.
-Dialectalbehavioraltherapy.com
The TIPP skills are great to utilize in times like these and with practice are very simple to do.
To read more about these follow this link : https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/tipp/
Stay safe and please take advantage of this rare time we get to take care of ourselves and each other!
If anyone would like hear more about a specific topic or has questions, please reach out on my contact page!
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5 reasons we are making the Coronavirus worse and 5 ways we can sto
OK, this Coronavirus stuff stinks….more than enough!!
Now, let’s stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution.
March 17, 2020
I have my thoughts about what it’s like shop at our local Walmart’s, Costco’s, Sams Clubs, etc. currently and what it’s like to scroll through my social media feeds and see people fighting or making fun of each other. Trust me. I am with you, human behavior is quite interesting lately!
Given the feelings expressed by many of my clients, toppled with the feels I get when reading my social media feeds: I felt like it was a great time to brush up on anxiety and human behavior in particular 🤷🏻♀️
I then felt compelled (because I do understand both sides so well) to share this knowledge and offer any help I possibly can by sharing it.
My hope is that we can support each other and respond to this already very “stinky” time a little better than we are currently?
‘Merica!
Oh and please people just stay home if you can! The quicker we listen and exercise better judgement, the quicker this will all be over;)
Let’s stick together and support one another!
1. Hoarding toilet paper-
Well we all know how running out of toilet paper makes things worse, or even the fear of such a thing.
Why is this happening you ask?
It’s simple really (but also the longest explanation ever, haha)- During times of crisis or uneasy situations our fear amygdala is activated (if you try to say no part of this has made you a tad nervous, or that you have not checked your TP supply, I call BS- SORRY?!). When this is activated it, “…leads to bodily changes that prepare us to be more efficient in a danger.” https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-happens-to-your-body-during-the-fight-or-flight-response/ .
Throw in the fact that are amygdala gets activated even when we see someone who looks scared. The difference is when we see the person is OK or realize we are not personally in danger, our thinking brain kicks in and our body releases the appropriate chemicals to relax us.
Think in terms of a haunted house, our amygdala is activated over and over, but most are able to “check it” because we know we are in a safe environment- I mean…we asked for this! For those who stay in a heightened state of arousal, they are at the least able to do so once the experience is over. When we are not able to “check” our fear amygdala ( i.e. at times when we do not know what the out come is, like with the Corona-virus outbreak), it stays activated and our bodies are preparing to take on the threat , better known as our “fight or flight response.
Psychologist Carolyn Fisher, PhD. explains (www.health.clevelandclinic.org):
The fight or flight response, or stress response, is triggered by a release of hormones either prompting us to stay and fight or run away and flee. During the response, all bodily systems are working to keep us alive in what we’ve perceived as a dangerous situation……Without you even telling it what to do, your body is assessing what’s going on around you and determining your options on how you most likely could survive the event.
This means situations in which we do not know what will happen, we stay in this fight or flight response- preparing for (you-guessed it!), the worst case scenario. With one fear being of mandated quarantines, running out of essentials is even more frightening to many. Couple this with feeling as if so much of this out of our control, stock-piling supplies is an aspect that we can control-providing some comfort and reassurance (releasing those relaxant chemicals we need to counter being in fight or flight).
Side note: Don’t forget those people who have trauma, PTSD, anxiety, etc. Their's can be hypersensitive, leading to being triggered more easily and/or their body responding more aggressively and quickly to the threat.
How to help:
Stop judging and mocking each other! Again, I see both sides and I am frustrated just like a lot of you are. My question to you is, what is the goal here? To make this already very hard time, a little less hard, right?? Well, this is 100% counterproductive to that goal. If you see or are around people stockpiling or appear to be on edge: think about what I said above and what is likely going on in their worlds.
Help them to release those feel good chemicals! Crack a joke, distract them, offer assistance or just be kind to them! If it is a family member or friend, maybe take it a step further and push them to get outside and take a walk with you or watch a funny movie.
Encourage people to get educated- on legitimate, factual information! Maybe discuss the worst case scenario (i.e. mandated quarantines)- but in a productive way and briefly. Maybe develop a plan (maybe have enough toilet paper, food, etc. for 2 maybe 3 weeks). Provide reassurance that these shut downs and restrictions are occurring to get a grip on this thing and to help protect us, not a sign of the end of mankind as we know it.
Finally, please encourage your local supermarkets to block off hours of operation or pick up and delivery times for our elderly. Also, check with any elderly or vulnerable neighbors to see if they need anything (let’s collectively try to limit their exposure the best we can)
2. Watching non-stop coverage-
In all seriousness, just stop! I get it…..I’m guilty of it myself, but it is not healthy. This is the same scenario with our amygdala being in overdrive, which not only is unpleasant, but it can be detrimental to our health. “Living in a prolonged state of high alert and stress (when there isn’t any real reason for it) can be detrimental to your physical and mental health”, www.health.clevelandclinic.org. Now, this does not dismiss the severity of what is going on, it just simply points out the detriment to continually choose to focus on it.
How to help:
First, choose a trusted media outlet or two to receive updates from, maybe even just the news alerts? Second, if you or someone you love is constantly watching the news coverage, distraction is necessary. Specifically, a healthy distraction will start to produce the necessary chemicals such as GABA- (full name, Gamma-Aminobutyric acid) we need in order to relax.
GABA’s big role in the body is to reduce the activity of neurons in the brain and central nervous system, which in turn has a broad range of effects on the body and mind, including increased relaxation, reduced stress, a more calm, balanced mood, alleviation of pain, and a boost to sleep. Our bodies need those relaxant chemicals to counter the constant state of arousal. Understanding GABA by Dr. Michael Breus
To read more about GABA and how to increase it naturally follow link: https://thesleepdoctor.com/2018/06/19/understanding-gaba/
We can also do simple things ourselves to trick our bodies into thinking we are not in imminent danger such as: eating, chewing gum, forcing ourselves to laugh or smile, etc. I know it seems weird, but think about it: would you be doing any of the above if you were faced with a tiger or were in a fire? Probably not, therefore you’re sending your body the message that you are currently safe.
Side note- Is the media causing this mass hysteria? Are they purposely attempting to scare the crap out of us? Maybe?! I guess we’ll never know! (I personally think they’re probably trying to educate us and maybe a little bit is them running stories that people will watch? It is a business just like any other.)
Fortunately, we have this amazing power as adults…..what’s that?? WE CAN SHUT IT OFF! Or even walk away! Crazy, I know!
3. Reading social media for hours-
Why is this bad? Well… see above for number 2! Not to mention when we are in a state of fear or arousal we begin to look for those things to validate our feelings- which means we are likely to focus on those types of posts or stories, reactivating our amygdala and justifying our fears even further. This can also lead to anger and aggression because so many sit behind their computer screens making this their evil goal (they are for another blog though).
How to help:
Limit exposure or ideally stop all together for awhile! If you want to post, try to be positive- share words of encouragement, offer help where you can, spread only factual information and share those babies, funny dog/cat videos and those videos of people singing in Italy, please!!
4. Overwhelming our medical professionals-
OK, these are scary times, and I get it, but these individuals are the ones we need most right now.
I have heard several inferences comparing this to “war-like times”, and this started to make me feel a certain way.
Especially just coming back from a trip to Pearl Harbor, seeing America come together and listening to those veterans talk about the good they saw in people during that time. Just…WOW :)
If we look at this crisis as so, who are on our front lines of defense? Those working in the medical field! Sadly, instead of supporting them it feels as though we are putting them at an unfair disadvantage. They are being overworked, being asked questions constantly, stressing about child care, treating people who could have waited and are the ones who have the most exposure to this virus! They should be resting and preparing in case things get worse! Would we be doing this to our troops right before we send them off to war? I sure hope not.
How to help:
Only seek necessary medical attention right now. Check on your friends, neighbors, etc. that are in the medical field. Offer babysitting, food, grass cutting, groceries, anything you can (if you are not sick)! Stop hoarding masks and other medical supplies. Be kind and patient with them. Give these people the best shot possible at fighting this thing.
5. Freaking our kids out/or freaking out on them-
I will start this by saying that after counseling children for some time now, we tell our kids way too much and talk way too openly in front of them! Problem is, when children hear adult like problems, their fear amygdala is activated. Unfortunately, they do not have the tools nor the life experience to figure those issues out, therefore preparing their little minds for worst case scenario (we all know where this goes). Also, even if they have heard very little; odds are they are still feeling a little uneasy. These are times they will look to trusted adults for reassurance and comfort, if we are tense, watching nothing else or yelling and screaming at them; they are going feed off of this energy.
How to help:
Find out what your children actually know! Then educate them and clear up any misinformation you might hear. Probe a little to find out what/if any fears they may have and talk them through those. Most importantly allow them to enjoy being children! They will then hopefully remember this time not as being horrible and scary, instead a time they saw their parents or guardians step up and make light of a bad situation (great opportunity for a life lesson if you ask me). If your children are testing your patience (especially the little ones) try these tips:
Be a little forgiving with permitted television/video game time.
Ensure their brains are being stimulated and more importantly challenged!
Ensure they are participating in some type of physical activity every day.
Being fed nourishing meals daily.
Make sure they are keeping up on schoolwork.
Try giving them your undivided attention (no phone, no distractions!) for a set amount of time, while helping them to understand there are times for play and times for adult things.
Side note: when kids are seeking attention, there is more times than not a reason and it is usually that they feel that need is not being full-filled (even if you disagree, these are their feelings and they are allowed to have them, sorry?!)
Create structure the best you can.
The structure kids receive in school or daycare is important and even though they will probably never admit it, kids seek structure and it is crucial for healthy growth and development.
Teach them those life skills they will all need one day and do them together! Cooking, laundry, finances, yard work, etc.
Laugh and have fun together!
Let’s remind everyone of all the good in this world and use this time for self-care and bonding with family! Do not let future concerns crowd your mind; we do not know what will happen! Just take one day at a time and focus most on those things you can control. This too shall pass….
Helpful Resources:
Adult only humor ;)